After years of unsuccessful IVF cycles and hysterectomy at the age of 41, I grieved a death no one talks about; the Lost Dream of Biological Motherhood. My mother died of cancer when I was 3 years old, so my need to be a natural Mother felt primordial; quaking me to my blood and bones.
Dearest friends and family meant well, yet could not comprehend my grief, cooing, “It’s not like you lost a child,” or, “Your paintings are your babies.” No loved one, minister or therapist could comprehend the tornado of foreign, toxic hormones driving my emotional turmoil. Existential grief crippled me; “An amoeba can pro-create, yet I cannot?”
When IVF was finally over; my years lost, the unceasing injections, appointments and blood tests, hundreds of thousands spent, the isolation, hopelessness, and loss of simple sanity drove an unceasing, daily war with suicidal thoughts.
Strangers, friends and loved ones tried to ‘comfort’ me with comments like, “Just get over it,” or, “You’re the one who prioritized career over family!”, or “You just didn’t pray hard enough!”
With best friendships distancing, my body ill, an imploded marriage, and career tanking, my heart turned to stone. The existential grief Zombie-deadened my soul with rage, jealousy, isolation, and hopelessness. I truly felt no purpose to keep breathing.
One Divine Day, Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” made its way into my life, feeding my Hope. Finally emerged only one answer to this profound grief. I must create a New Life Purpose to support other women face, survive and thrive their infertility after assisted reproductive medicine.
The career trajectory and ‘Sum-Of-My-Parts,’ finally made sense.
With an invigorated passion “To Serve,” and having earned an (RScP) License from Holmes Institute, (Ministry/10 years of Spiritual Counseling) + a decade in NYC marketing/advertising + Media, Press & Production + curriculum development + art therapy, my work experience, life, and purpose at once coalesced and culminated into “Thrive After IVF & Infertility” Coaching.
I could finally take Gandhi’s advise and, “Be the change we want to see in the world.”
As Member of and sanctioned by ASRM, The American Society of Reproductive Medicine, this scaleable, online, fully automated Coaching and Curriculum Program is first of its kind to address the “soft” or “humanitarian” side of assisted reproductive medicine field according to Top Leaders in the field of Assisted Reproductive Medicine; (*Individuals annotated below).
Newly launched, we have found support across the globe. In Delhi, India, Women’s Economic Forum’s conferred upon us the prestigious award, “Iconic Leaders Bettering the World for All.” Film Producer/ Creator/Director/Writer Betsy Chasse (What the Bleep do We Know + 30 documentaries) created a short documentary film exploring women’s infertility, vulnerability and ‘telling the truth’ about my artwork, “The Empty Womb.” (Amazon Prime.)
Judy Sperling-Newton, Past President Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys
Michelle Laurie, Frtyl Search Service
Barbar Collura, President and CEO Resolve.org
David Keefe, MD, Professor of OB-GYN, NYU School of Medicine
Will Halm, Legislative Advocate and Attorney, Growing Generations